Definitions

We all have them.  Point blank statements that we or someone else has made concerning us.  I have discovered recently that it is very easy to let those statements define the rest of our lives, even if we don't mean for them to.   For example, my whole life I have always said, "I can't run."  If anyone asked me to go for a run or insinuated running in any context, my immediate answer was no.  I had a very good friend up at Nyack College who also happened to by my religion professor, and he used to ask me to go run with him in the mornings.  Several of my friends did.  But I never went, because I don't run.  Then one day, a few months ago, I woke up, and it was a beautiful day and I decided to do something crazy.  I decided to go for a run.  I didn't tell anyone so that if it resulted in a dismal failure no one would know.  Turns out, I could manage a brief run around the block without keeling over and dying.  While it wasn't exactly the most enjoyable thing I had ever done, and I was sore the next day, I was still proud of myself.  So the next time it was beautiful outside, I tried again.  I went a little farther that time. All that to say, today I ran six miles and it was fantastic.  Three months ago if you had told me I would be doing that I would have laughed and said, "But that's impossible, I can't run."

Turns out I love running.  I love the way it clears my head.  I love the moment when I'm running up that ridiculously steep hill at Lake Johnson and I feel like my calves are being reduced to jello.... but I still manage to make it to the top without dying.  If I had never gone against my own definition of myself I never would have discovered this.  It also turns out that I love mushrooms.  Somewhere around the age of five I decided emphatically that I hated mushrooms.  But I have recently discovered that, contrary to my five year opinion, they are delicious (I'm not holding out such hope for celery and olives, those remain inedible).  All of this has gotten me thinking, how much have I limited myself because of things that I decided?  What statements am I still believing about myself that aren't true?  Things like, "I can't run" and "I hate mushrooms" are small compared to things like, "You are terrible at math" or "You are ugly and overweight" or "You will never be popular" or "Boys will never like you"  Things that were said when I was a child that seemed to stick to me and never fall off.  Like Punchinello's dots.  You know the real reason that I always used to say that I couldn't run?  Because somewhere along the way I became convinced that I was a terrible athlete, that everyone was faster, stronger, and better than me, and that if I tried I would only fail and humiliate myself.  

The biggest question here is not whether or not I should accept or reject things that I used to say about myself or things that others used to say about me.  The biggest question is whether or not I will chose to believe the things that God says about me.  And just what does He say?  He calls me His child, His daughter, His princess.  He knows every hair on my head.  His thoughts concerning me number more than the individual grains of sand on every beach in the world.  He rejoices over me with singing.  I could go on and on, but the ultimate proof of His love?  He sent His one and only Son to die on a cross.  A cross that was meant for me.  No matter how many mistakes I have made in the past, no matter how many I may make in the future, there is nothing I can do to make Him love me less.  There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more.  And in that, there is incredible freedom.  Freedom in Christ to be whoever He wants me to be, freedom to go for a run, freedom to eat mushrooms, freedom to try, and possibly fail, without fear of judgement or condemnation.  And what does that mean exactly?  It means a life free of guilt and a life full of joy- pure, unadulterated joy in Jesus Christ my Savior.

*Oh and for those of you who don't know, here's the story of Punchinello: You are Special by Max Lucado If you've never heard of it, you really should go listen to it, it only takes a few minutes*